Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
