I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
