Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
