I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your penis caused this!
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