I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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