After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
