I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize