Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
