Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
