I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
