Having a random hookup so left but love u
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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