I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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