Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
