so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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