This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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