What did we do last night that was yellow?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
