it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
