I looked at my own cervix.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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