I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
