i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
