i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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