Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
