wakey wakey hands off snakey
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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