I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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