I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
