got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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