Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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