yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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