I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
