I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
