what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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