did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
