She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
