Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize