Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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