the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
