yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
