Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
