do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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