I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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