When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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