I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
