Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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