I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
