Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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