1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize