Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
