how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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