i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
