is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
