I wish you could order shots online.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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