I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
