We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
