I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
