Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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