fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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