i think my mom watched the whole time
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
