An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
