it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.