3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.