I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet