It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!