we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
