Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
